Sun 29 Feb : Another month is at end. I managed to finish another edition of City Lights News (#110) from an unusual location... an hospital room. At 7:00am I was up for my walk. I count the laps of the entire floor I do. I need to set my goal of the day and then with one hand holding my tommy to contain the pain I am off. Today is time for technical data. I have posted online a copy of the "Report of Operation" (24 Feb, 2004). There you can read the full details of my operation. I have also updated my blood work results up to the 24th of February. My blood work is still very good (Chemistry and Haematology). The latest CEA result is up again... 83.4 ug/L. (went down 5.8 ug/L, and now went up 6.5 ug/L). This means that we are for now in a stable situation. You can also find blood work made at the Saskatoon Cancer Clinic were the CEA was 75.4 ug/L (changing lab will not offer reliable data for comparison). Last night I was busy searching on the Net about colostomy and found a great site created by a colostomy patient: "Living with a Colostomy" by Jason Dale (UK). This site is so full of information on the life to expect and product needed. A great starting point for me. My stoma bag blasted again last night due to my gas. The type I am wearing has already proven not to be good for me. I have seen online plenty of types available. I will have to start calling the various companies and ask for samples.

Sat 28 Feb : Another hospital day... I runned out of batteries in my radio and the night felt longer then usual. I need to listen to the radio at night, at very low volume to dose off. Last night I runned out of power for the little radio and the night felt like was never ending. The day started with something that more and more looks like normality... my breakfast. I had an egg, a muffing and cream of wheat with jam. My appetite is back and I have the feeling that it is bigger then what my system can take. Eileen made it home for a few hours to prepare more organic food for me and for a touch of fresh air out of the hospital walls. I love to have her sleeping in my hospital room. We are so spoiled by each other presence all the time. I feel it is an healing action on its own. More visitors today. At times can be even too much. I dosed off while some were here and missed others while sleeping. Thanks to all for your support. It is really appreaciated. In the late afternoon I had the first contact with the new reality. My feces bag started leaking and I was floating in my own stuff. It will take me a while to manage the new life. For the one the know me well it is not news that I am a "little" gassy... and this doesn't help the bag that gets under dangerous pression. A nurse specialized in stoma treatment had made a quick presentation of what is available and left some samples but until I get a chance to try a few I won't know which one will work for me. I can finally look at the stoma on my tommy without feeling sick. It is still pretty sore and it will take a few weeks to look normal. For now it is a piece of flash hanging out covered by a plastic bag that collects the feces. Today I played a little with some new technology. You know me, I am the technology junky. Richard Woelk from Prairie Mobile Communication was so helpful to stop at the hospital to deliver cable and software for the new fast wireless Internet (1X). It installed without a glich on my laptop and it delivers a speed faster than a land line dialup. I have retired CDPD, the previous wireless Internet because has become too slow.

Fri 27 Feb : Well, you can finally meet my surgeon, Dr. Randy Friesen (see photo). Randy is quite an incredible person so full of life and joy of living. His positives outlook of life is quite contagious. We had another good discussion today about my case and beyond. He is so interested in so many things and we share an interest in technology. So we talked about so many things and then back to the reality of my case. We have agreed today to wait until my next CT Scan (March 12, 2004) and see what the cancer looks like now that we have the colon separated from it. Don't worry, Eileen is already working on new findings. She won't let anything set her back. And for me every day gets a little better. I don't really sleep too long at night in the hospital. I never have, and I guess I never will. But I get rested. I have set my day to include my exercise. I walk in the corridor several times a day to get my body in shape. Exercise is always the main component of recovery. I managed to get through these days without pain killers. I am getting tougher in my old age ;-)    

Thu 26 Feb : I slept a little and I am in a better mood. My first act is at 5:00am to ask the nurse to take off the catheter from my penis and go for my first walk in the ward corridor. I have plenty of pains when I have to move from the incision on my belly (about 4-5 inches). The walk is very slow but gets things moving. I can pass my first air from the stoma. By abdomen is very tender. I am finally in a better state and can start some computer work. Eileen drove home to get some of her good mushroom soup and potassium broth. I can start a fluid diet.

Wed 25 Feb : I slept very little and my mood is the blackest in a while. I have an absolute rejection for what has happened. I even refuse the nurses request to get out of bed and just lay in bed. I feel empty and lost. I don't have any wanting to react. I refuse to look at the stoma on my belly. I act as if it doesn't exist. I refuse to talk about it. I can see Eileen struggle to see me in this condition but I just can't help it.

Tue 24 Feb : At 7:30am we are at the Victoria Hospital to check-in. After filling up the various forms I am offered a bed to rest. I have flashes back to Dec 2000 when I was also admitted on urgent basis. The difference is now that I don't have as much pains and this time I know why I am here. A Little later we are moved upstairs in room 402 (a nice private room) and there is also a foldable bed for Eileen. Finally at 5:00pm I am in the surgery room... all I can remember is answering a nurse question... and then I was a sleep. Apparently the operation was about one hour long. Dr. Randy Friesen was not able to remove the colon tumor. It was attached to the bladder and he felt there was the risk of bleeding if touched at this time. All he could do was a colostomy (cut the colon and bring the end out on the surface of the abdomen: the stoma) to free my digestive system and allow me to resume normal functions. On my waking up I found Randy next to my bed and even if I was half a sleep I asked immediately what was the outcome. In earing the dreadful word "colostomy" a sense of despair was all over me. I knew that there was a 50-50 chance that it could have happened but still I was not ready for it. A sense of disgust at the idea of having to deal with it plus a sense of loss of independence. I had a good cry well into the night.

Mon 23 Feb : We managed to talk to Dr. Friesen. The laser treatment will not work in my case. The tumor is too far high into the colon. My only chance at this point is to get operated to remove the tumor. We knew that we may had to come to this point. I can no longer take so many hours of my day in the toilet. I feel we have done our best and my general overall status has improved. Check my blood work results for yourself. I am in the middle of packing things... and getting ready for tomorrow surgery. I have to be at the Victoria Hospital in Prince Albert at 7:30am. I am serene and ready for it. It is time for drastic action !!! My evening weight is 63 kg.

Sun 22 Feb : Yesterday afternoon/evening was spent running back and forth to the toilet for little pieces of stool at the time. The stool is not hard but it takes so little to have a problem getting squeezed through the small opening left in the colon. I did not have a proper movement until this morning at 5:00 am and few more at one hour intervals. I have been very conservative today with my food intake. Only fluids. I suffered too much yesterday. Stool builds up inside and generated gas. After a while when the intestine is full and the stool gets stopped at the tumor passage I start to have discomfort. Immediately my appetite is gone... and I start my suffering. I feel I have reached the end of the rope... I am so looking forward to tomorrow to talk to Dr. Friesen and plan some action.

Sat 21 Feb : A nice sleep in this morning. I am in better mood than the last few days. Deep and restful sleep helps to get rid of the black clouds. I have a nice sense of serenity today until I am reminded that I have to get back on my pills. The weather is beautiful today. After my potassium broth (my lunch) we are off for a walk. Lets take advantage of this little warm break we got this weekend. My morning weight is 64 kg.

Fri 20 Feb : The morning started with my morning flush drink... Orange juice, Garlic, Ginger and Olive Oil... and for the first time ever it did me in. I could not swallow it. This drink is a flush for the liver but this morning it just did not agree with me. I did not finish it. For the rest of day I went on strike. No more pills, tinctures, etc. I just wanted a day off. I had some organic cereal with soy milk for breakfast and even added maple sirup for flavor. More fresh vegy for lunch on corn tortilla. In the afternoon I was at the Community Clinic for the usual injections. The 5th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17. It was there, as I was waiting for my IV to finish that I realized what was happening to me. I was down, and had been down for the last couple of days. I felt the need to shake it off me. Depression is something the sneakes up on you. If you are not careful you don't even realize that. When you can pin point on your emotional status you can also take action. Afterword we went for a walk downtown and a bite to eat at the Vietnamise restaurant. Plenty of lovely dishes in the menu... but very little for me. I ended up having to ask them to make a dish not in the menu. My evening weight was 64 kg.

Thu 19 Feb : I am constipated again... we managed to get some enema in but this far has done very little. I don't have stomach cramps or other discomfort in the abdomen. It is just that feeling to need to go and you can't go. It is like somebody pored cement inside of me. The tumor is making such an occlusion that it is enough a piece of stool a little more consistent to become a block. Last night I had a good sleep, even though I went to the toilet during the night as usual. I had a nice and deep sleep. I had missed it for several nights. I am really looking forward to see Dr. Friesen. He should be back in town next week. I really need some action on the colon tumor. My morning weight is 64.5 kg.

Wed 18 Feb : Last night theatre play was good (Vagina Monologues). A play against women's violence and performed by an Aboriginal theatre company with a mix of veteran and new performers. It was a nice opportunity to see some Prince Albert friends. In all of this we have closed in a fair bit to deal with things. And it could not be any other way. We chose the hard way with a demanding program for my healing. I finally managed to finish accounting. I have hard times to keep up with the things I have to do. On a one hand it is very good that I have things to do. That keeps me busy and offers an escape from my situation. On the other hand I am slow in doing things. I am not really used to this. I have been very lucky in my life to be as healthy as I was until this. This proves that no matter what one has to take preventive measures... even make time where you think you don't have it.

Tue 17 Feb : I got up late this morning. I had to get several times in the night for bowel movement and this morning I needed extra time in bed. Tonight we are going to the theatre with our outdoor group. We have not done much social activities since all this started. We are looking forward to a nice evening out. I have posted online more test results. Starting with the Saskatoon Cancer Clinic blood tests of 10 February, 2004 (Chemistry and Haematology). I have come to understand that you must do blood work in the same lab if you want to compare data. The various labs use different techniques and different normal range that may surprise you if you are not aware of this. For this reason I have kept separate the various data from Prince Albert, Saskatoon and Tijuana. Another test that I have done in Mexico was the Live Cell Test (Eileen did it too so that we could compare our blood situation) and I have done it again in Prince Albert on the 9 February, 2004. My morning weight is 63.5 kg.

Mon 16 Feb : Yesterday in the afternoon we went out for a walk. It was snowing slightly and wasn't too cold. We were wearing our heavy winter jackets. We walked to the library... and I just made it there. My bowel block was released by the physical activity and I left a good quantity at the library toilet. Today was a quite day of computer work for me... and Eileen was looking on the Net for new data. My evening weight is 63.5 kg.

Sun 15 Feb : The morning started ok and then after breakfast I had the sense of constipation back. Last night I had Organic Kamut Whole Flower Spaghetti again. They are the easier to digest that you can find. And felt comfortable that I was very loose for the last couple of days. This is only the second time of spaghetti since october... I guess I will have to wait until we can make some more opening in the colon to try again. These spaghetti are very dark brown. Its very hard to get the "al dente" taste when you cook them but still they are not bad. They have a particular taste that one can get used to. Eileen invented another slightly sauteed mushroom sauce to go with it. When I served them I added some fresh Virgin Olive Oil. I was happy to make use of my fork rolling skills. Eileen can eat as much spaghetti as I do. I alway thought this was an Italian prerogative. She must have some Italian blood mixed up with the Irish one. Yesterday I was so busy setting up computers and I was in the mood to do so. Since I spend so much time with the program and with my needs in the toilet... my days just fly away. It is thanks to this short notes in the diary that I will be able to remember what happened during these months. My weight is gone down another bit but my strength is improved since I am on the treadmill. I am not worried about my weight loss. Is my energy level that tells me how I feel. My morning weight is 64 kg,

Sat 14 Feb : Saturday... and Happy Valentine's to all. The weekend always represents a slow down in my exhausting program. I can drop a few chores. Enough to make me feel off. The long list of pills still follows me. My energy level this week has been very good. Eileen is looking into new therapies and supplements. For her is very important to find new things that may help. This makes her feel pro active in a difficult situation. I really admire her. First thing this morning I had a large bowel movement all at once... nice and loose. That brings me back to the days when all was normal. No treadmill run today. My morning weight is 64 kg.

Fri 13 Feb : No problem today to pass stool. It is nice an easy and just keeps coming, I have to rush all day. By afternoon its only mucus but still I get the feeling and I have to run for it. I can't hold for long mucus. Its hard for me to run a few errands in town when I have to look for a toilet everywhere I go. In the afternoon was the usual routine of the injections at the Community Clinic. The 4th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17. It was also time for my regular blood checkup, The Haematology is ready and the results are getting better. The low Red Cells are up a little. Now we are really waiting for the CEA result. My morning weight is 64 kg.

Thu 12 Feb : Nice to be home again although the overnight in Saskatoon was a nice diversion. I managed to pass some feces this morning. Very small pieces but still good enough. Yesterday we managed to talk to Dr. Randy Friesen of our consultations in Saskatoon. He still feels very strongly about investigating the laser intervention to burn tumor tissue in the Colon. The only draw back is that we have to wait until the end of the month since the doctor that can perform this will not be available til then. I have to do my best to stay on full fluid diet to reach that date. This morning I was back on the treadmill and felt really strong. Yesterday Roy stopped for a quick visit to drop tickets for a theatre play for next Tuesday. It will be nice to have a little social. He assured me seats next to the toilet...

Wed 11 Feb : Our room at Saskatoon Inn is too hot again (room 439). Last time in room 415 was cooler. We had a nice dinner last night... and no pills. Our overnight was not programmed. It was good to feel free for one evening, especially so close to Valentine's day. Driving back to Prince Albert was lovely with a beautiful blue sky and plenty of sun. Some areas on the highway still had the signs of the day before... ice on the road. We had to drive very carefully in those areas. Some vehicles were visible in the ditch. Back at home and back to the feeling of constipation. In the afternoon we have a consultation with Dr. Kent Bailey (Naturopathic Physician) in Prince Albert. He mentioned other possible treatments such as Urea, Modified Citrus Pectan and Quercitin Calchone. We will investigate further in all this. It is nice to see a Naturopathic Doctor in Prince Albert. We feel that he needs more time to make experience on advanced cancer cases. Eileen served me several natural remedies to loosen up my bowel. If I take a too strong laxative I also lose the nutrients that I need. It is very hard to find a middle way. By evening we decide for an enema and I have one just before going to bed. I can take almost 2 cups although it goes in very slowly. Not much comes out but we feel that we have loosen the stool a little bit. Tomorrow we will see how it goes.

Tue 10 Feb : This morning at 8:00am Dr. Randy Friesen was scoping my bowel and I was able to see on a monitor my enemy (the tumor). It was quite instructive. Randy took the time to explain, as he usually does. I have the picture printed in my memory. A pinky area grown inside the colon wall. It looked innocent, like a baby. All new cells that have gone out of control of my immune system and are replicating in the wrong place. The walls of my colon looked clean. Randy had to really push to get passed the obstruction... and all looked fine in the area above. His verdict was that the tumor in the colon has not grown that much since October. A very good sign. We just have to find a way to keep some opening of the colon in the tumor area. Randy prospected a couple of possibilities... entering with the scope and scrape the tumor tissue... or the same treatment but with a laser (this can be done only in Saskatoon). A very busy day today... by 8:30am we are on the road to Saskatoon. The weather was terrible. Starting at half way we are caught in a wind/snow storm. We have to stop several times on the way. In one of our stops we meet Kriss (see photo) on her way to Prince Albert for Red Cross business. Sometime it is funny were you meet people you know. If we did not have a doctor's appointment we would have turned back. Almost 4 hours to get to Saskatoon, well over double time. Once in Saskatoon we had our lunch in the car and at 1:00pm we met Dr. Sunil Kumar Yadav. We felt really badly treated by him. We are pretty spoiled by the caring manners of Dr. Friesen. We had an ice cold shower with Dr. Yadav. He did not want to hear our story. All he had to say was that being at stage 4 of colon cancer I did not have to expect remission and that he could only offer palliative care in the form of chemotherapy (protocol: Irinotecan/5-FU/Leucovorin-IFL) with only a 50/55% guarantee of any result. During our drive to Saskatoon Dr. Friesen had managed to get us a consultation with a Saskatoon surgeon that works with the laser. At 4:00pm we were able to see Dr. Keith Kanthan (surgeon). He explained us different possible solutions. He wasn't too kin on the idea of the laser because he is afraid of the possible damage to the bowel wall. He introduced us to the Colonic Stent. A metal tube specially designed to be inserted in the colon to create an opening in the area were the tumor is making pressure. The procedure doesn't require surgery and the stent is inserted by a radiologist. We will have to call him tomorrow for more details. He also mentioned localized radiations if the area allows (this could mean damage of innocent tissues). His final opinion was that his first choice would be colostomy (diverting any waste matter you produce away from the problem area of the bowel. The healthy end of the Colon is brought out to the surface of the abdomen and stitched in place just below the belt line. This way the whole digestive system works as normal whilst bypassing the tumor in the bowel. The procedure may be reversed but the success will depend on how much time has passed). By the end of the day we were overloaded with information. Part of the highway to return home was closed so we decided not to take any chance and overnight in Saskatoon. Somewhere were we are familiar... the Saskatoon Inn with its nice enclosed garden of green.

Mon 9 Feb : By Sunday night I manage to have some bowel movement... and start feeling better. Today my bowel is working and I keep on the fluid only diet. We talked to Dr. Friesen and I am scheduled for tomorrow morning for a scope of my bowel and see what is happening to my tumour. We need an early night. Tomorrow we are also off to Saskatoon for a consultation at the Cancer Clinic in Saskatoon with Dr. Yadav.

Sun 8 Feb : The morning enema is the first act of the day. Same as yesterday. The tea will not go in. I am blocked inside. We have no idea if is the tumor, the feces or what else. We look at each other and we reopen discussion on the colon surgery. We have always known from the beginning that we had the risk of a colon blockage and lived with that idea in the background. Today is going to be all fluids for me. Back to the vegy juice and hope to relieve my blockage. My morning weight is 65 1/2 kg.

Sat 7 Feb : Not a good day. I was really constipated and worked hard to get some bowel movement. I lost count of how many times in the toilet. In the afternoon I have to give in to an enema. Not even the enema fluid can make its way in. This is the first time it is so bad. Later I get some movement and I get some sense of relief. In the morning I make the mistake to eat oat groats and blueberries. The oat groats are very palatable but hard to digest even though we soak them all night... and we think they add to the ongoing constipation. Lunch is just some fresh sprouts, peppers and mushrooms. Dinner all I can think of is some soup. Eileen prepared a beautiful vegy soup. I had very little vegy and lot of broth. By bed time I knew that we had to try another enema in the morning... but that is a tomorrow problem. My evening weight was 65 1/2 kg.

Fri 6 Feb : The memory of last night spaghetti is still very vivid in my mind. I am back on my treadmill and celebrating almost 2 weeks (see photo of the lab rat exercising in the cage wheel). In my vision exercise is one of the main ingredients of life... and healing. As I run, I am looking out of the window and can see the beautiful white covered yard. It feels my heart with joy. The joy of living. For this year I have to stay away from the cold. I am skinny... very skinny. In the afternoon I was at the Community Clinic for Dendritic Cell Vaccine, third vial of 13, and Vitamin B17 IV. At the clinic I collected the Ultrasound Report (2 Feb.). The scan report talks about more growth for the liver tumor. I was not surprised and expecting this. We can only wait and for now, hold on to the lower CEA result. Morning weight is 65 1/2 kg.

Thu 5 Feb : After a good night sleep I had to confront morning constipation. The roller coaster is always on. By mid afternoon I am almost in diarrhoea. Dinner was a change... Organic Kamut Whole Grain Spaghetti. Yes you hear it right. After 4 months 100 gr. showed in my plate. All so different from what I could remember. But having been away from them for 4 months... First cooked with no salt, then made with a special sauce: fresh Basil, Garlic, Onion, Shiitake Mushrooms, Arugula and Cilantro, Virgin Olive Oil and Italian Herbs. The sauce wasn't really cooked, lets just say was sauteed. The final result was very pleasant to my taste buds, not to mention my eyes. We are trying to insert some different look in my diet. Certain days, seeing over and over the same food just doesn't help. Morning weight was 65 1/2 kg.

Wed 4 Feb : It was a bad night. Up every hour with a lot of gas and little pieces of feces. I feel really broken today... I will need at least a couple of naps today. This morning after my morning Liver/Gallbladder flush drink I was back in the toilet. I had a really large bowl movement spread over the morning and not settled yet. You can really tell when you have an empty intestine. My morning weight is 65 1/2 kg.

Tue 3 Feb : Rick is back for the final kitchen installation and is taking over the space were I do my morning treadmill run. I have to pass on my run today. I can really feel the need to move my body... nothing does it like running. I can feel the massage all over my body. I started the day with an "enema" (my hated friend). I must have one at week and last week I had managed to skip. After the enema I was open like a tap on full. I decided to stay on my morning green drink (vegy protein, vitamins and minerals dissolved in organic apple juice). I have the same drink for lunch and dinner. At the end of the day I can tell it was a good decision and also what we have to do before tests.

Mon 2 Feb : We got news that the CEA result was incorrect. It is 76.9 ug/L... this means it went down -5.8 ug/L. Thats even better news. We are back to the same value as November 25, 2003. This morning I was fasting for an ultrasound requested by Dr. Yadan (oncologist). We are going to Saskatoon Cancer Clinic for a consultation with him on February 10. We made a major mistake... we had a large dinner and the results was that in the morning I was full of gas. The ultrasound technician had great problems doing the scan. We will get a copy of this report on Friday when we go for my injections at the Community Clinic. Rick from RKX came back to finish our kitchen. My evening weight is 66 kg.

Sun 1 Feb : Last Friday I collected my Blood Chemistry results from January 19, 2004 (just back from Mexico). Well the news are that the CEA is finally showing a small DOWN. Even if it is only -5.8 ug/L it means that we have halted the fast growth that was worrying us. To understand what was happening you should look at the 2003 Blood Chemistry report and you would see the rate of growth. In the fall/winter it was rising approx 15 ug/L every couple of weeks. The Mexico CEA results are not comparable with the Saskatchewan ones... so we were really waiting to have new blood work done in Prince Albert. Now in a week or so we will test for CEA again to see the trend. I am not a fool... it is still too early to lower the guard but at least we feel that our effort is paying off. Eileen is the one always with one foot ahead and looking for more therapies... I am still the Guinea Pig. Last night we went to Clayton's birthday party... and I had a real dinner: mashed Potatoes, Carrots, Salad and a few pieces of Wild Turkey... followed by a slice of Angel Cake topped with Strawberries (all in moderated quantities). Well after 4 months I deserved to let go :-)